Stepping Into 30: A Process

Future self,
This is for you, on the event that you look back at this birthday and wonder why there weren’t fireworks when you turned 30. It’s mostly a stream of consciousness piece, wrapped up shortly before midnight - so don’t expect any mindblowing insights or even a typo-free essay. But read it anyway. 
About those fireworks… here’s a hint: there are fireworks every day of your life.

To anyone else reading,
Similar to how I posted a love letter to my oldest daughter on the eve of her birthday, this is a bit long and personal. But I’ve made it public because reading what other people go through in times of change is something that helps me - especially when optimism and hope prevail. If you get something out of it, great! But this is one of those “out of left field” posts I allow myself, so I know it’s not for everyone.

Well, here we go… 30 happens tomorrow.

19 going to 20 didn’t feel like a big shift, but that’s probably because so many milestones happen around those years: driving, graduations, new relationships… the dawning of “20” just blends in. (21 on the other hand - not so much.)

Yet at 30, the big milestones expected at this era have already happened to me (and a lot of us at this age): marriage, kids, house, career, etc. So, I think I have felt as though 30 would be in the spotlight more than it seems to be. For some reason, I have this feeling that something big should coincide with the birthday.

But as I write this, I remember that our culture celebrates the event and not the process: we watch the Superbowl and ignore the regular season… we want to lose weight with a pill instead of working our butts off… and… I can’t think of a 3rd simile (This is supposed to be all up in your face, not prose.)

Point being, I’m in the middle of process. I almost wrote, “Really just a lot of little processes,” but that’s not true. I’m in the middle of many big ones. And it rocks.

  • My faith and thankfulness to God is growing. For instance, my gut reaction over the past year has been to give Him immediate gratitude for blessings big and small. That’s an improvement over what it used to be. Next step: thank Him for the struggles with the same instinct. (Sounds painful… but worth it.)
  • My love for Sarah is changing and just getting bigger all the time. Seeing her as my wife is still fresh in the long-term - 5 years. But alongside of what I learn from her as a spouse, I get to watch her and love her as the mother of my children. Seriously unbelievable. 
  • My babies are unbelievably precious to me. I’ve asked Katie Beth numerous times lately to stop growing and just stay 4. Her response: “I can’t, Daddy. I have to grow up to be a big girl!” Melts my heart and reminds me to cherish all the moments I can with her. And looking through the lens of what I’ve learned with Katie Beth, I can appreciate ever more tiny things about Mary and Luke. Mary’s wave to me over Facetime last night? Amazing. Definitely a mental picture I want to forever etch into my memory. And Mom told me today that Luke’s laugh sounds just like mine when I was his age. It was surreal to hear that - because I sure don’t remember what my laugh sounded like at 4 months.
  • Socially, Sarah and I have improved a crazy amount over this time last year. We started having people over for dinner more often, being more flex with our schedules, inviting the right people to the right events, and so on - just being more intentional has made us happier.
  • My VW Beetle. Don’t let this sound shallow - this thing is more than steel and rubber pieces. The trial of getting that thing in the first place, the convertible top issue, the busted gas hose, and everything else that will inevitably go wrong… Remember: it is DEFINITELY a process. And I write about it here because of the joy it brings me to cruise down the road in it, usually with the dog by my side or the family packed in like sardines. They all love it as much as I do. That was one huge thing checked off my life’s To-Do List recently.
    Side note: I’ve been sick for a few days, but tonight I was feeling better. And with Sarah and the kids out of town, I wanted to take a night Beetle ride to close out year 29: Sadie and I went to Sonic in Nolensville and got a chocolate shake. And of course all the high school kids were there, gawking at the VW and the dog. If I was an attention whore, I’d do this nightly.

I could go on. There are plenty of other things I’ve been working on - more processes: professional, financial, physical. They’re just not glamourous enough to write about.

So, as I jump in to 30, I don’t expect to have a big milestone event tomorrow - no super-hip party, no new baby is in the works (uh… that I know of), we’re not moving anywhere, we’re not quitting our jobs and becoming full time bloggers about organic food and cloth diapers.

What it boils down to is this: the pieces of the bigger process (mini-events?) - these are the main events: I didn’t have a lot of processes going on when I turned 20! I was just coasting on a little charisma and God’s grace to get me by. And it worked. But coupling those two things with being aware of the the process piece of the puzzle… wow. Where can I go from here? What can I do for God’s glory? What can I do to help my family live an amazing story?

Bring it, 30! Hell, bring it 31, 40, and 50, too! I accept your challenges and look forward to the wisdom and experience I earn in the process.

Daddy-to-be? New Dad? Here’s some Required Reading

One of my best friends from college, Steve, hit me up recently on Facebook:

Lance, bro, do you recommend any new dad books?

Steve and his wife are expecting their first later this year! Woohoo!

And after having three kids of our own, Sarah and I find ourselves on the receiving end of questions like this more often. We’re thrilled to share what we’ve learned.

So, here’s what I told Steve:

“Read Strong Fathers, Strong Daughers by Meg Meeker. Even if you have a boy, you’ll still find a ton of things applicable. A weird side benefit - it made me understand Sarah more in the process. The book started good conversation about how she was raised, her mom and dad’s parenting style, and where we see ourselves in raising proper ladies or boys that will be respectful to girls.

“Also read Wild At Heart (John Eldredge) and A Million Miles (Don Miller). Neither are “Dad” books in the sense that they deal with parenting. But they are great “man” books. You’ll learn more about yourself, acting on your dreams, and essentially being the kind of man you were made to be. A kid needs their daddy to be a man - not gender neutral, not effeminate, and not overly machismo. These books help define what this looks like and how to get there.”

Michael Hayes: Jack White's "Vault"

michaelhayes:

Jack White has an amazing room in his house.

White walked back to a room called the Vault, which is maintained at a constant 64 degrees. He pressed his thumb to a biometric scanner. The lock clicked, and he swung the door open to reveal floor-to-ceiling shelves containing the master recordings of nearly every song he’s ever been involved with. Unusually for a musician, White has maintained control of his own masters, granting him extraordinary artistic freedom as well as truckloads of money. “It’s good to finally have them in a nice sealed environment,” White said. I asked where they’d been before, and he laughed. “In a closet in my house. Ready to be set on fire.”